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I do like the sensation of receiving oral, but I’m so anxious and worried that the experience is unpleasant for him that I can’t actually enjoy it. I also sometimes have visible (white) sweat that I’m very self-conscious of. I trim but don’t completely shave down there, and even if I’ve recently showered, I tend to smell-not horrible, and not like there’s a medical issue, but a “normal” smell. My only issue is that I absolutely despise receiving oral sex-it makes me feel extremely insecure and self-conscious. In addition to having great chemistry and emotional connection, we’re very in tune with each other sexually. I’m a woman, and I have been dating my wonderful boyfriend for a little over three months now. Thanks for signing up! You can manage your newsletter subscriptions at any time. I think the most important thing for you right now, though, is to rule out potential causes with your doctor and see a sex therapist for more help. It’s worth reading through for potential help. Elliott describes several other related orgasm disorders in the notes and various treatments (like vibrators). (Elliott, unfortunately, did not respond to my interview request.) In addition to checking testosterone, she recommends pelvic-floor awareness (are you doing Kegels?), and potential psychiatric diagnosis/treatment. Additionally, there are notes online from a 2016 presentation on anorgasmia in men that Elliott gave at the Fall Scientific Meeting of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. Stacy Elliott, a professor at the University of British Columbia, reported that anhedonic ejaculation is, “usually associated with neurological disease (multiple sclerosis and peripheral neuropathy) or, occasionally, psychiatric disorders.” I don’t mean to scare you, and I know it doesn’t get you closer to the sensation you’re looking for, but this, too, perhaps is worth investigating with your doctor, just in case. Is there anything I can do to make myself orgasm when I ejaculate?Īdditionally, in a 2002 article in the Journal of Sexual and Reproductive Medicine, Dr. Since then, I’ve learned to live with it, and I haven’t given the issue too much mental real estate recently. I was much more bothered by it when I was younger, including experimenting with men to see if I was just hiding something from myself, but nothing was different. I’ve also heard a lot about how great the sensation is, and I can sometimes feel alienated or dehumanized. It hasn’t prevented me from developing meaningful romantic connections, but I don’t like having to fake anything or explain why I’m not too vocal. But when I finish, there is no pleasurable, heady, or even stirring sensation. I still have sexual urges and desires, and so sex can be a relief in the same way that trail mix after a long hike is, and it’s been the same my whole life. For me, ejaculation is just an involuntary physical spasm, like a sneeze. The condition is referred to as ejaculatory anhedonia or orgasmic anhedonia in scientific literature, which there isn’t much of, and most of the other cases I’ve heard about involve sudden changes or conditions (i.e., paralysis, severe trauma, antidepressant usage) that don’t apply to me. It wasn’t until a few years after beginning to masturbate that I realized that my peers were experiencing something quite different than I ever had. I’m circumcised and there are no physical abnormalities in the shape or size of my genitalia. I am able to attain and sustain an erection with no issues (although I sometimes struggle to maintain a solid erection when receiving head or when on bottom), and almost always ejaculate when solo or in partnered sexual encounters. I eat well, regularly exercise, and have even undergone blood testing to confirm that my testosterone levels were in a safe range (they came back somewhat above average). I have an otherwise healthy sex life and personal habits. I’m a straight, 24-year-old male who has never been able to orgasm. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here.
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